Why Is My Child Struggling at School? When to Worry (And What to Do Next)

As a parent, you know your child better than anyone. So when something feels “off”, you tend to notice it, even if it’s something that you can’t quite pinpoint yet. Perhaps there are more big emotions at home. Maybe they resist going to school all of a sudden, or perhaps homework time ends in tears more often than not.

If you’ve found yourself wondering whether your child is struggling at school, you’re not alone, and when that happens, it’s not uncommon for many parents to second-guess themselves. You might wonder if you could be overreacting, or whether this is something that your child will simply “grow out of.”

In this post, we’ll explore what school difficulties can look like in children, and when it might be time to seek further support.  

What “Struggling” Can Actually Look Like

When we think about struggles in school, we might often picture failing grades, but struggles in school are not solely academic. A child struggling at school might show signs such as:

·       Avoiding homework

·       Complaints of stomach aches or headaches on school days

·       Difficulties with friendships or making friends

Finding it difficult to follow instructions

·       Seeming incredibly drained or exhausted by the end of a school day

Sometimes, the struggles might relate to learning difficulties. Other times, they might show difficulties with emotional regulation, attention, friendships, or sensory differences.

If you’re beginning to notice signs of struggle, it can be helpful to reflect on whether there are any patterns. For example, do the concerns tend to show up at specific times of the day? Around specific subjects? During social situations? After a particularly demanding day?

When Is It a Phase — and When Should You Seek Support?

Like adults, all children go through ups and downs in life, whether it be a rough term or a tricky friendship. Many challenges are a natural part of growing up, and working through them can help children build resilience and confidence over time. However, if you begin noticing a pattern, it can be helpful to pause and ask yourself: Is this behaviour getting easier or harder each week?

If the concerns seem to be increasing, lasting longer, or beginning to affect your child’s confidence, friendships, or willingness to attend school, this may be a sign to seek further support. Importantly, seeking support does not automatically mean that something is “wrong” with your child. It might just simply mean that some extra support could help make things easier for your child at this time.

How a Psychologist Can Help

A psychologist provides clarity and insights into the next steps when things feel uncertain.

Sometimes, this may involve a psychological assessment. An assessment allows psychologists to better understand the reasons that might be underlying some of the struggles or concerns you’ve noticed. It provides insight into your child’s learning profile, as well as their strengths and needs. Importantly, assessments are not about jumping to labels. They are about gaining a comprehensive understanding of your child so that appropriate supports can be identified to meet their needs. 

It is also possible for therapy to be recommended. Therapy focuses on building skills, such as learning to manage big emotions and anxiety, navigating friendships and social challenges, or developing coping strategies.

Sometimes, a child benefits from having an assessment. Other times, therapy is enough. Sometimes having both can helpful. In many cases, psychologists also work directly with parents and teachers, offering practical strategies to support your child at home and in school.

What You Can Start Doing

If you’re feeling concerned but unsure of what to do next, here are a few tips to start with:

1. Identify patterns in behaviours

Take some time to reflect on what you’re noticing. When do the challenges tend to show up? Is it before school, after school, during homework, or around social situations? Jotting down patterns can help you see things more clearly over time. It might also be helpful to share this information with your child’s teacher and school, as it allows you to work together and gain a more comprehensive understanding of your child in different settings.

2. Create regular opportunities for regulation

Try scheduling in small pockets of time within your child’s routine for activities that help them feel calm, happy, or energised, whether it be drawing, listening to music, jumping on the trampoline, or some quiet time alone. Having these moments of regulation regularly scheduled in your child’s routine can make a huge difference.

If You’re Feeling Unsure, That’s Okay

If you’re reading this and still feeling uncertain, that’s completely okay. You don’t need to have all the answers right away. Often, the first step is not to rush into action, but to remain observant and gradually gather more information. This could mean checking in with your child on how they’ve been feeling, or checking in with their teachers to better understand what they’re noticing at school. And if your concerns continue after some time, seeking help can provide further clarity and guidance, and hopefully, make things easier for your child.

Most importantly, if your child is experiencing some struggles, remember that these struggles do not define them. With the right supports and accommodations, every child has the ability to thrive and reach their fullest potential.

Other Helpful Resources

·       Support if you’re concerned about your child’s mental health https://www.vic.gov.au/support-if-youre-concerned-about-your-childs-mental-health

·       Mental health problems in children 3-8 years: signs and support

https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/health-daily-care/school-age-mental-health-concerns/mental-health-problems-in-children-3-8-years-signs-and-support