Back to School Anxiety: How to Help Your Child Feel Calm and Confident for Term 1

The school holidays are reaching its end, uniforms are being washed, and lunch boxes are coming back out, yet instead of excitement; your child may be showing worry, resistance or distress about returning to school.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

For many Melbourne families, back to school anxiety is one of the most common concerns at

the start of Term 1. Even children who previously enjoyed school can struggle after a long break. The good news is that this reaction is common, understandable, and very responsive to the right kind of support.

Why Back-to-School Anxiety Is So Common in Primary School

During the holidays, children’s nervous systems adapt to slower mornings, flexible routines, and increased family time. Returning to school means a sudden shift back to structure, expectations, social demands, and separation all at once.

For primary school children, especially, this transition can trigger anxiety because of the change in routine, increased social and academic pressure returns and as they are expected to again be more independent in their emotional regulation instead of co-regulating with their parents.

This is why starting school in Term 1 can feel harder than parents expect, even when holidays were positive.

How Anxiety Often Shows Up (It’s Not Always Obvious)

A child doesn’t always say, “I’m anxious.” Instead, anxiety often shows up through behaviour or physical symptoms, including:

• Tearfulness, meltdowns, or irritability

• Stomach aches or headaches before school

• Avoidance, refusal, or delays getting ready

• Clinginess or withdrawal

• “I can’t do it” or “I don’t want to go” language

This behaviour isn’t necessarily defiance but may instead be a way of the child to communicate with behaviours what they can’t find the words to express. Further, it may be a sign that your child’s nervous system feels overwhelmed. Understanding this helps parents respond with support rather than pressure.

Common Age-Specific Concerns

Different ages experience the transition back to school in different mental and physical ways:

·       Prep – Year 2: separation anxiety, “irrational” fear, difficulty with drop-offs, stomach aches or complaints about minor physical symptoms (such as random pains) 

• Years 3 – 4: worries about rules, friendships, or getting in trouble, headaches or other random physical symptoms that can’t be pinpointed to a specific injury or illness.

• Years 5 – 6: academic pressure, social comparison, fear of failure, other “irrational” worries that appears minor to those around them.

Even though the different symptom described above are common and does not mean that something is “wrong” they can still be experiences as very distressing for the child and they may need supports from adults around them in order to transition smoothly back into school.

What Helps: Practical Ways to Support your Child with Worrying thoughts and behaviours

1. Rebuild Routine Gently

Even though many of us enjoy when we get an opportunity to sleep in, it is often important to slowly start building back into the school routine prior to the school start to avoid a shock in the difference in routine.

• By gradually reintroduce consistent bedtimes and wake-up times around a week before school start your child (and you) may be ready for an earlier start by the time the alarm rings on the day of first day of school (find an example of a visual chart at the end of the Blog).

• Setting expectations about an independent morning routine again, by verbally letting your child know or displaying a visual chart, which gets practiced each morning routines without rushing. (E.g., get dressed, then have breakfast and then brush the teeth before engaging in other activities.)

• Keep expectations simple and predictable by reinforcing the routine using the visual chart and adding a task each day before school starts. (E.g., set a start time and end time when you would need to leave to go to school and work)

A calm routine helps reduce back to school stress for both children and parents and having an idea of each person’s responsibility and what they should be doing independently in the morning, may assist to reduce stress on the first day of school setting you up for a smoother start of the school year.

2. Support Emotional Regulation First

As anxiety and feelings of worries can be inhibiting the problem-solving part of the brain and can feel very intense (creating fight, flight or freeze mode), it’s important to support the child’s regulation and helping them feel emotionally safe before problem solving by using the structure below.

• Find a regulating activity (e.g., fidget, tight hug, walking/swimming together). 

• Assist your child to name the feeling, avoiding definite statements and instead having a curious approach:

“It sounds like you’re feeling a bit worried about seeing your friends again at school.”

• Ensure that you are calm yourself, as your child at this age still heavily rely on co-regulation from a safe adult. Your calm nervous system helps regulate theirs

• Avoid excessive reassurance, which even though well-meant, can unintentionally increase anxiety. Instead validate and once your child is calm ask them to problem solve the situation with you – helping them to build resilience and develop their problem-solving skills further. (E.g., that sounds tricky, what do you think we could do to make the situation better?)

This approach supports emotional regulation in children and builds resilience over time.

3. Encourage Confidence Without Pressure

Even though we want our children to push through and be brave we need to ensure that the situation is manageable for them and help them to find strategies to be successful by focusing on their strengths, efforts and helping them to scaffold situations.

• If a “problem” feels too big, assist your child to break the challenges into small, manageable steps. (E.g., “How about you play at your favourite spot by the monkey bar with Erin before trying the climbing material at the bigger playground?”) 

• Ensure to praise the effort your child is making rather than the outcomes. (E.g., How brave of you that you were able to ask Ms Casey about the homework, even though you did not get to ask all your other questions today”.)

• Use language which builds confidence, such as “I can hear that this feels really scary but remember how brave you were at Aaron’s party when you asked to join in the play”.

This type of encouraging language tends to assist shaping positive thoughts about the self and new challenges, which in its turn assist to build confidence and reduces school avoidance.

4. Reduce Morning Stress During Drop Off

When it’s time to drop off in the morning, at times anxious thoughts and behaviours can be amplified. It may be helpful to consider the strategies below. Calm, consistent goodbyes.

• Keep the goodbyes short and confident avoiding lengthy negotiations or last-minute changes, including wording such as “have a great day, will see you at pick up” or “I know this is hard  but I know you can manage”, followed by a quick hug and goodbye.

• Check in with your own feelings, as children tend to pick up on any anxious or unsettled feelings that we may have as parents.

• If drop off is proven extremely difficult, work with your school to create a plan that makes your child feel safe and for them to transition smoothly. (E.g., arriving before everyone in the classroom and being allocated a special task.)

Predictable mornings before getting to school also support smoother separations and reduce school anxiety.

When Extra Support Might Be Helpful

Some anxious thoughts and behaviours quickly tend to settle within the first few weeks. However, additional support may be helpful if:

-          The distress increases rather than improves.

-          Reluctancy to attend school persists.

-          Physical symptoms intensify

-          Sleep, appetite or family function is continued to be impacted negatively.

Early support can prevent anxiety patterns from becoming more severe and persistent.

How a Psychologist Can Help

Working with a child psychologist, who has extensive knowledge in child development and a range of common issues, can support both children and parents by teaching emotional regulation and coping strategies, exploring whether there are any underlying reasons for the increased anxiety, collaborating with schools when needed.

Support is focused on building skills, problem solving and resilience.

A Reassuring Final Thought

Back-to-school anxiety does not mean your child isn’t ready for school. It means their nervous system needs time, safety, and support to adjust.

With calm guidance, predictable routines, and reassurance that feelings are manageable, children learn that transitions, even hard ones are something they can handle.

Progress matters more than perfection. And you don’t have to navigate this alone.

Find attached a couple of useful resources:

-          Visual Morning Routine

-          Back to school anxiety parent toolkit

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