Say Goodbye to Negative Self-Talk: Tools to Boost Self-Worth

Children begin forming their self-concept early on in life, and by the time they reach school age, they may already have internalised beliefs about their own capabilities, appearance and worth. When these beliefs are negative, they can show as negative self-talk. Evidence-based interventions exist to help children challenge their negative thinking, build resilience, and develop a more positive sense of self-worth.

Understanding the Impact of Negative Self-Talk on Children

Negative self-talk in children may sound like:

o   “I am stupid.”

o   “Nobody likes me.”

While occasional frustration can be normal, persistent negative self-talk is concerning as it is often linked to anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. Overtime, these beliefs may shape their behaviour and relationships, impacting social confidence, academic performance and emotional resilience.

Tools to Help Kids Challenge and Reframe Negative Thoughts

With the right tools and support, children can often learn to challenge and reframe these negative self-thoughts. A common self-worth intervention involves teaching children to recognise when they’re engaging in negative thinking and help them challenge these thoughts and think in a more positive and self-compassionate way.

Below are some practical strategies:

o   Detective Thinking: Help children look for the evidence of their negative thought. Ask them “what makes you think that?” or “what is the evidence that this thought isn’t true?” This may help children shift from automatic, negative responses to more rational thinking.

o   Affirmation Practice: Repeating phrases, like “I am enough,” “I am kind” or “I can learn new things” can assist with improving negative self-perceptions.

o   Name the Critic: Giving the negative voice a name (such as, “Worry Monster”), which may help children externalise the thoughts, allowing them to challenge the thought without feeling like they’re attacking themselves.

Build Self-Worth Through Positive Reinforcement

Research has found that positive reinforcement can improve motivation and self-esteem in children (Dweck, 2006).

How Adults Can Nurture Self-Worth in Children:

• Praise effort, not just the result: Rather than saying “You’re so smart,” say something like “I can see you put a lot of effort into that project.” This emphasises persistence over perfection.

• Celebrate progress: Point out the child’s growth by reflecting on where they started and how far they have come, encouraging a growth mindset.

• Promote independence: Offer children age-appropriate responsibilities and decision-making opportunities, which may assist with confidence and reinforces a sense of capability.

How Psychologists Help with Cognitive Restructuring

When negative self-talk becomes persistent or distressing, it may be beneficial to seek the support of a psychologist. In therapy, we use evidence-based methods tailored to each child’s developmental level.

Interventions include:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): CBT can assist with anxiety and depression in children by targeting cognitive distortions and teaching emotional regulation strategies.

• Play-Based Cognitive Interventions: For younger children, therapeutic games and activities make cognitive work more engaging and appropriate for younger children.

Additionally, psychologists often work together with parents and teachers to ensure consistency across environments. This may look like providing coaching and tools to support children in developing positive self-worth.